Thursday, June 05, 2003

Forty-Day Immersion: Day 13

The world is unprincipled. It's dog-eat-dog out there! The world doesn't fight fair. But we don't live or fight our battles that way - never have and never will. 10:4 The tools of our trade aren't for marketing or manipulation, but they are for demolishing that entire massively corrupt culture. 10:5 We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ. 10:6 Our tools are ready at hand for clearing the ground of every obstruction and building lives of obedience into maturity. 2 Corinthians 10:3-6, The Message

Day 13

Every loose thought, emotion and impulse has been just that for four weeks: loose.

My iBook – the laptop I use to write and post these immersion insights – has just gotten back from its trip to Apple HQ in Cupertino, California. During its west coast vacation, I had the opportunity to allow time to restore an injury that prevents me from effectively using a desktop computer. With no opportunity to write and post, I had to take a different approach to the 40 days. I could write them out by hand and enter them when the computer came back (yesterday) or I could take the view that the time out was just that – an enforced time out, no writing, just thinking.

I learned – and am learning – a few things.

I am impatient when it comes to not being able to do what I think I’m supposed to do, when I want to do it. Make that doing what I want to do, when I want to do it.

I guess I needed my thoughts to appear to be floating around loose so I could harness my thinking.

I am still a part-time prisoner to the fallacy of high productivity = high worth. I am faced with the fact that I am still not comfortable being without what I consider to be tangible, touchable, measurable results. This was a good time-out because it turned out to be a lot of people time vs. process time, and it has restored some equilibrium.

A great writer once wrote that we get stuck in the lie that our self-worth is defined by our performance plus the opinions of others, instead of living in and by God’s grace.

Christ has used my time-out to make sure my time-in is all about grace, and not about performance – He did the ultimate performance for me, and when I’m relaxed enough, performs through me in my life.

And that ties up a few loose ends. It’s good to be back!

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